The Queen is Now Dead

The other day I was chatting with a friend of mine who lives in Virginia. Somehow the Smiths came up and I learned that V (as she shall hence be known) had no idea who they were. It is a sad commentary on contemporary society when someone doesn't know who the Smiths are.

In the '80s (a decade not nearly as deprived of good music as the average music fan would have you believe) the Smiths released a series of albums and singles that kept guitars cool in the face of rampant overindulgence in synthesizers and the like. While this is neither the time nor the place to mount a why-you-should-love-and-respect-the-Smiths campaign - you should.

I figured the best way to introduce V to the Smiths was for her to hear my favorite Smiths' tune, "Please Please Please Let Me Get What I Want":

Good times for a change
See, the luck I've had
Can make a good man
Turn bad
So please please please
Let me, let me, let me
Let me get what I want
This time

Haven't had a dream in a long time
See, the life I've had
Can make a good man bad
So for once in my life
Let me get what I want
Lord knows, it would be the first time
Lord knows, it would be the first time

Morrissey's yearning, almost-over-the-top desperation and Marr's lush, textured guitars make this one of my all-time favorites (you may recognize the music as covered by the Dream Academy - an utterly forgettable '80s band with the exception of this borrowed glory - in the museum scene in Ferris Bueller's Day Off).

I found it on the Hype Machine (http://hypem.com/) and shot her a copy of the link. A few minutes later, V responded:

"I guess this is OK. Weird lyrics: 'Some girls are bigger than others'? I don't know."

Needless to say, something had gone wrong. V was hearing the Smiths, but she was hearing a Smiths song that no first-timer should ever be exposed to. She had clicked the "play" button on one of the "Please Please Please" results and received, instead, the following:

From the ice-age to the dole-age
There is but one concern
I have just discovered:

Some girls are bigger than others
Some girls are bigger than others
Some girl's mothers are bigger than
Other girl's mothers

Some girls are bigger than others
Some girls are bigger than others
Some girl's mothers are bigger than
Other girl's mothers

As Anthony said to Cleopatra
As he opened a crate of ale:

Oh, I say:
Some girls are bigger than others
Some girls are bigger than others
Some girl's mothers are bigger than
Other girl's mothers

Some girls are bigger than others
Some girls are bigger than others
Some girl's mothers are bigger than
Other girl's mothers

Send me the pillow...
The one that you dream on...
Send me the pillow...
The one that you dream on...
And I'll send you mine

Yup. "Some Girls Are Bigger Than Others." Even Marr's excellent music isn't going to save this one completely. I'm not going to say it's not a good song. I won't say that; but, clearly, some songs are better than others.

The moral to this story is to always check your links, I suppose. That, and keep the Smiths to yourself.